Rock
Scissors
Fuck
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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