Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
