I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
