Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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