Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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