the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's the barista slut.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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