Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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