Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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