I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
