I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
