I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can't turn off my feet"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
