Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
