i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
They have beer where we have blood.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
