4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
