I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
