woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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