He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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