I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Rumble strips road head = magical
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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