god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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