the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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