he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
