Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
