This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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