Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
