She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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