I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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