3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
