You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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