saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
