dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
