And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
They have beer where we have blood.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
