And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
