I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
