My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
