Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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