I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
