I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
