She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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