Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
