fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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