hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
