I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
