hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
