I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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