The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
