this just has baby written all over it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize