he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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