Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
