I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
