What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
