I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize