Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
