I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
