his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
