fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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