I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
