there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
