I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
