just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
