I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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