Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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