I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
