Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
