and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
