why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize