I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
