After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The power of my boobs compel you
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
