My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
