I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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