She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
