YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
