Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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