I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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