His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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