Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
