somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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