I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
