Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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