Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
