Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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