I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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