I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sext me about skeletons
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
