He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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