Yo dont text me then not text me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
