I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
being pregnant is like rehab
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
