And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
