my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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