I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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