Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
